What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

True - how I loved my mum!

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

How far back into your childhood can your remember and what is your favorite memory of that time?

What! how could you do that?

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

My girlfriend lied and said she never gave oral until me. She was very skilled. I’m upset with her lying. Do I dump her?

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

What do you mean son?

My boss called me on a Saturday to let me know he that due to financial reasons, I was no longer needed effective immediatley. 3 days later, he sends me a text asking about work issues. How do I respond?

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

What is the difference between heaven and heavens?

Do you know what she said mum?

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

What is the most gay experience with your dad?

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!